Took out mortgage and joint current account with HSBC. Mortgage approved, paid for etc etc all fine. They write a letter and say "we don't have your ID for your current account, if you don't provide it in 2 weeks we will close your account". So we call, discuss with phone jockey, phone jockey says "ok, no problem, just bring a photo ID in when you can" – "will do, but only photo ID is in for address change as we've just moved (you might guess that, having given us a mortgage)". "Ok, no problem, when you can". A week later, same again, phone call – call the number back, enter your account number "you're no longer required to contact us, the matter is resolved" says the auto-answer.
Another week later another letter, another phone call. I ask why the ID for the mortgage was sufficient for them to loan us a mental amount of cash but not sufficient for them to give us an account to put money in to pay said mortgage. No answer. "just bring it in when you can, I'll note it on the account"…."ok, cheers".

4th time/week in a row "It's been a month, we've sent you several letters, we need to sort this out, you need to bring us ID or we'll close your account"…."I know, and I've called you back more times to try to sort it, can you not read the notes put on by the last person, I don't have ID as it's away getting the address changed, I'm getting pretty cheesed off with you keep calling, I'll bring it as soon as possible". "you could bring us a utility bill, not a photo ID" – why the f*&k didn't you tell us that in the first place when we asked?

That's after having had the branch staff leave early when we had an appointment and took the evening to go into the branch to see them together with the paperwork.

I seriously question the brainpower and thought processes involved, I'm almost tempted to write a letter.

Banks are muppets. After being put through far too much stress by A&L dealing with a probate case (I was almost in tears…..and I'm no stress-haed) they closed MY bank account.

"Why have you closed my account?"

– We were notified that you died on the 17th January.

"That was me, ringing you about the probate case I've been phoning about every day for the last 7 days cos you refuse to help me…

– Would you like us to open the account again?

"errrrr No"

Useless twunts.

Got to the Observer, margaret dibben your.problems@observer.co.uk sounds like an amusing one for the back page next sunday. Or the guardian on fridays Brignall and Batchelor consumerchampions@guardian.co.uk

automated systems innit.

Brain no longer required by operators, hence increase in user errors when events are outwith the programmed envelope, and too many media studies graduates to find someone able to override the pre-defined system path of concentric circles of slow grey computer death.

System shut down imminent.

I used to work in branch for said bank. Last straw for me was when an elderly lady came in quite distressed having lost her debit card and couldn't get access to her pension that was paid directly into her account (via the ATM, which I had a few months before shown her how to use)

She was 'convinced' by the manager that she needed a credit card (then she would always have access to 'emergency funds' should she lose her card again). Needless to say she went away fully signed up to something she had little need or concept of and manager had a 'sale'.

Manager turned to me and said 'that's how you do it'. I was disgusted and told him so. I walked a week later.

Muppetry is endemic and actively encouraged in my experience of that bank. 🙁