THE Swinley super-sexual super-fun all-welcoming March FUN RIDE!

OK, here we go again 🙂 In the same way staff on planes ask you to pay attention as the safety announcement may have changed since your last flight, there are some changes and additional information in this post!

I have broken it up into sections to try and answer as many questions in advance as possible:

WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?
Who wants to join us for a chilled not so serious not too fast ride? A ride that is completely devoid of mad skilz, big air and judgement, an afternoon of getting muddy in Swinley…

Equally who wants to meet up with some of the weirdos from this forum and blast through the single track like a scolded yeti?

The last SwingleySexyParty ended up with some confusion at the beginning and we ended up with everyone heading out in one BIG group of just over 45 riders.. this time I think it’s sensible to have a couple of groups:

1 – “The A-Team”, a group of riders so fast and AWESOME that it would be mean and nasty to make them wait for the slower riders… PaulD has kindly volunteered to lead this group.

2 – “The A(part2) Team”, as above, but possibly necessary if enough people come along to have 2 faster groups… Thisisnotaspoon has kindly volunteered to lead this group.

3 – “The It’s not how fast you ride its how much fun you’re having (but secretly jealous of the extra confident healthy people) Team”…. Cinnamon_Girl will be leading this group, feel free to stick photos of LOLcats on her backpack when she’s not looking.

Conversation and pace should be set by the slowest person in the “INHFYRIHMFYH(BSJOFECHP)” group so please dont worry about not keeping up with the mentalists, this should be an afternoon with lots of little stops and no pressure to be amazing. If it wasn’t for a crack down on misogymathingy I’d almost jest it makes it a perfect ride to invite your lady friends along too 😉

If that sounds like your idea of fun, then it would be a pleasure to have you along.

WHERE AND WHEN?[/u]
The plan is to meet at 11:30 on Sunday 20th March in the LookOut carpark for fettling, pumping up tyres, admiring my pyjamas/Yeti’s pre-ride stretches and then setting off to ride at 12o-clock lunchtime.

It is worth emphasising that it is sensible to allow plenty of time to park and, if needs be, use the Coral Reef car park which is across the road from the entrance to the LookOut. There is an Overflow car park that is accessed from far right hand side of car park on the road that exits the car park… It is alongside the B3430 Nine Mile Ride.

A webpage with the look out address details (on the right of the map), map and directions is available HERE….

Once you’ve parked up, unloaded your dandyweapon of choice and checked your “tyre choice for Swinley?” thread then come join me underneath the trees to the right just as you go though the Go-Ape gates.

ARE THERE ANY RULES?[/u]
Rules? Wouldn’t that ruin the spirit of such a friendly chilled ride? Well yes it would if it was all taken too seriously, however there are some pointers that are worth getting out of the way now, fingers crossed they don’t come across as super-strict rules.. more pieces of advice to make your ride and everyone else’s that little bit more enjoyable.

1) Bring your own spares,

2) Bring your own camelback/water,

3) Wear a helmet if you’ve got one or do your own risk assessment and dont,

4) Bring your own mid-ride snacks, dont want any “bonking” now do we 😉

5) Route will be decided upon the day by the “leaders” of each group and will be dependent on any trail closures/conditions…

6) If LOTS of people turn up then we might need to break up into more than 2 groups, best to decide this on the day.

7) As with the last sexyparty…In the spirit of a beginners/gentle/nothing-too-serious-ride I will be wearing full on downhill pyjamas, I will ride a carrera from Halfords and I will make sure any bike snobs out there will be mortally offended by my blatant disregard for the unwritten rules of MTB… so if anyone is worrying about what they ride or their choice of lycra, relax as you wont be judged!

8 ) We ride at the pace of the slowest rider in each group, or we ride at our own pace and wait at the top of the next hill/section/junction for others to catch up.

9) No pressure on anyone to do things they are not happy with as it’s all about having fun! Walking certain sections/hills will not be frowned upon.

10) Due to potentially large numbers of riders, please don’t bring your dogs as chances are mrsconsequence will ride into them whilst distracted by their awesomeness… She is still learning the hard way that you ride into what you’re looking at.

Drink/nicotine/crack-pipes disclaimer:
I dont really feel the need to tell people to be considerate, so I’ll just say that people are people and will do what they want, but in the spirit of a super-welcoming-ride if people do want to smoke/drink/turn up naked then I’d respectfully ask that people are considerate of those that might be put out by it, and for non-smokers to not make the poor nicotine starved feel guilty with disapproving looks etc.

WHO’S GOING TO LEAD THE WAY?[/u]
DrBike (Andy) did a full english pounds sterling job of leading in December and for this I am HUGELY greatful. As mentioned above for this to work a little more smoother than last time we need to split up into the fasties and the pootlers, Already got kind volunteers mentioned above. If you think you’d like to lead a group or set up your own singlespeed division then this is the thread to mention it as sometimes life gets in the way and our current leaders may need to drop out!

If less than 15-20 turn up then we can all head out in one group and follow a random rider around for the ride, sticking close enough to worry them but when they turn around we can all turn away and whistle like we’re not up to nuffink 😆

DOESN’T SWINLEY REQUIRE A PERMIT TO RIDE?[/u]
Why yes it does, you can buy one on the day or alternatively you can buy in advance online…. link to purchase day permit:

CLICK HERE then click on the second link from the bottom.

Please, please get a permit, there has been a lot of work put into trail maintainance recently and the permit money does help contribute towards that…. oh and the Rangers are cracking down on permits.

WHATS THE PLAN FOR FOOD? I’M HUNGRY, MAKE ME A PIE!![/u]
Those who survive the afternoon are all invited to a post ride feast in the cafe.

Seating is outside so maybe throw an extra layer in your car for when we get back, and feel free to bring your own snacks and drinks for the feast if you want to save money or treat the group to your own flapjack/cake creations.

Please make sure you eat properly in the morning before the ride too!

SO, ARE YOU UP FOR IT?[/u]
If you’re planning on joining in then register your interest on this thread, I will give out my mobile number to those requesting it via email nearer the time.

If anyone wants to bring their helmet cams and DSLRs to record this magical event… awesome! I’d be happy to grab copies of peoples footage and edit something together afterwards.

Feel free to invite your regular riding buddies along to it.

This is going to be fun 😀

Now for the pic of a few of the sexy people who came to Decembers ride:

More photos HERE….

DISCLAIMER:
As this ride is simply a casual ride organised by a group of friends based in a magical digital world, we are not members of any association or federation and therefore are not covered by any insurance.

By the very nature of the sport all-terrain biking does have a degree of RISK and we ask all those who join us to take this into consideration .

I cannot accept any liability or responsibility for any incidents which may occur during this ride and suggest that those who are new to the sport ensure they are prepared for the inevitable, puncture, mechanical,rain shower and odd tumble or two.

It is recommended that your mobile phone has an entry titled “EMERGENCY” or “ICE” (In Case of Emergency) with a contact number of someone you’d like contacted if something goes wrong… which we hope we will never have to use.

I’m not reading all that…

Summary?

same as last time, 20th March, more organised with leaders of groups arranged already. there’s a condition in there about short people but you’d have to read it 😉

OVER EXCITED ALREADY….. In the words of drangons den, Im in… )

Lets get naked & rumba!

Woo, and indeed, hoo!

Also, brakepadsbrakepadsbrakepadsbrakepads in case of wetness.

do I have to wear my seatpost?

If i can smoke- im in!

i believe i covered smoking in my ever so tiny opening post 😆

(go for it, I just request that you dont hold the smoke in then stroll up to the first infant you find and blow it in their face…. 😆 themz the rules)

TSY is banned, but he’s definitely in for the ride.

I’m in! Looks like a bit of a giggle 😀

I’m in! See you there

I’d like to join the INHFYRIHMFYH(BSJOFECHP) group if I may 8)

That’s only if I don’t break my leg(s) when skiing the week before… fingers crossed

Torm, you are expected to wear TSY’s uppydowny post… purely as i’m hoping using a normal post will mean he has to slow down a bit!

why did he get banned? Link?

no idea on the link, but i text him and he’s not only up for the sexy party in march… but is free this sunday if you’re up for letting the dandyhorses stretch their legs? this is not the thread for such conversations of kinkyness… i need to speak to jo and becca too, but yeah… sunday blud.

go on then, I’ll drag my single speed luddite little self to come and scare some people..do you have an extra slow, goes up hill slower than an snail with heavy shopping choice 😀

I’m in*

*pending shore leave from the commander in chief

One point – why on earth’s it in the middle of the day? Means it’ll basically wipe out the whole of Sunday, y’see.

No chance of a start at, say, 0900?

Me too. Probably…

The Other A-team can be the singlespeed team as that’s what I’ll be riding 🙂

cos 9am is when swinley appears to be extra busy, cos 9am is early for some (especially people travelling big distances to get down for the ride)

oh and cos i said so 😈

if people want to start earlier and ride back to the go-ape gate for 12 to join us for more riding there’s no stopping them 🙂 if anything i’d encourage it as it means these weird motivated individuals will be a little bit more knackered by the time they join us!

I’m there

I’d love to meet you wierdos. But I’m stuck in North Wales. Good one phil

edit: I would just like to say that I love this thread and it is all what STW should be about. how good is this?

I know I’ve said I’ll come to the last two Swinley rides and then havn’t but I’m really going to try and come to this one cos I really really really want to…

trying to russle up some of the NW Alps posse to experience the low lands for a change, is it warm down on the plains?

Yeah, baking, bring your sun block!

Depends on the week, last weekend everything was bone dry but freezing cold.

This last weekend it was warm (8-9deg) but trails were under 6″ of mud (apart from Swinley which is almost always dry, unless its reallllllllyyyyy wet).

Yes. would be good to catch up again Elfin if you’re gonna be there…

what’s the condition for short people, I couldn’t find it..? maybe I couldn’t reach.

Kev

i just wanted elfin to take the time to read my super detailed post, short people are welcome, gives us normal height people somewhere to rest our drinks
😈

If you’re out there Timothius… come join us 😀

Quite fancy this! Thanks for organising Phil.

One of the conditions for short people Kev, is that they will be re-paid any inner tubes that they may be owed…. 🙂

I’m up for this and I will try and turn up this time!

Hi Anna, how’s things ? would be good to catch up again… I’d forgotten about the innertube but if you’ve got one spare I can find a home for it 🙂

Kev

Good thanks Kev. If you like, you can have my special inner tube that’s got about 30 patches 😉
Hope you had fun on your latest trip!

In , prolly with HRH the dezmeister.

Might be slightly jaded as I am planning ski trip to return on Sat 19th.

I am 100% coming to this one.

I may be able to make this, subject to sorting a lift or stealing the work van.

I’m interested, I’ll stick it my high tech calender

Phil, can you make sure the under trail heating is switched on in plenty of time before the ride, to make sure this Swinley ride is actually reasonably dry? 😉

Seriously though, I’ve ridden Swinley 4, maybe 5 times now, and I’ve not ridden it in anything approaching dry and warm yet!