A group of local youths have found a shortcut through mine and a neighbours garden which has them climbing over a wall and standing on the roof of my shed. I am planning on building up the wall by a couple of block courses and bedding some terracotta planters on the top.

I am looking for some really nasty plants that are hardy enough to be out all year round with little maintainence.

Any horticulturists out there who can give me some ideas?

Sorry, but I don't want to hear any 'wait for them and batter them' ideas. The police know who they are and don't seem interested and they are the sort of idiots who wouldn't think twice about putting your windows through later.

vandal paint on the shed roof?

gorse, broken glass, photos of dame Barbra Cartland and razor wire.

Barb wire, cricket bat, oily stuff spilt al over.

plant gorse, blackthorn, some cherries, hawthorn, basically walk around a garden centre and look for the shrubs with the nasiest thorns, could try blackberries but most cultivars have had the thorns breed out.

Can't think of anything specific, but googling burglar deterrent plants should yield plenty of possibilities.

Not a gardener and not even sure how you spell it, but my old ma has something that sounds like "Pyracantha" and its evil stuff

Doesn't seem to need tending, but its little spines are nasty and if they get in you they tend to turn a bit septic

Barb wire

Guess what – the police advised against it – I could be left liable if one of the little f***ers hurt themselves on it. What rights do decent citizens actually have left these days?

on a different tack, look at spurges, i would say hemlock but i don't see how anyone would grow that as an ornamental. Or try a bed of nettles, you can eat them and they might act as a deterrent.

mrmo has it right with Blackthorn (Sloe Bush) not a horticulturist but sounds like the plant you need and of course you can make Sloe Gin as a by product. Result 🙂

How about keeping a pet porcupine on the shed roof

What rights do decent citizens actually have left these days?
More than you use to have I'd would imagine.

Pyracantha and berberis are spiky more so the pyracantha

Berberis, Mahonia, Pyracantha, and the good old rose bush.

+1 for ringo, worked in a garden centre plant area for 5 years and pyracantha is the one you want, looks ok to with flowers spring and red, yellow or orange berries autumn. Has a dense habit and spikes can grow to 2 inches, ask any landscape gardener about them and they will have had a run in at some point. Your local garden centre should stock them year round and they're not to pricey…job done.

Pyracantha

Bramble (but the ones with juicy Berries) they are tamaeable plus they are great with ice-cream.

Yeah I flog them at £6 for a 4' plant so use that as a guideline

+1 for Berberis. We had one with thorns over an inch long…….. evil evil evil. I lost about a pint of blood cutting the damn thing down

Step 1 – Remove the roof from your shed

Step 2 – Place a variety of sharp, spiky objects pointed skywards on the floor of your shed

Step 3 – Recover your shed roof but only with a sheet of felt. No wood underneath

Step 4 – Witness yoof climb wall, step onto shed roof, fall through and impale themselves on previously mentioned sharp objects.

Step 5 – Laugh

surely if you put a sign up stating that this property is protected from burglers with razor wire, or something, then when the little waste-of-oxygens hurt themselves and rip their trakky-Bs its their own fault?

alternatively smear some really nasty engine oil and/or grease on the roof, that way they get it all over their fake nike and addidas shit, and their hands. plus if they fall through the roof of the shed they can be done for criminal damage, breaking and entering and attempted burglery, as well as hopefully breaking a leg or two.

8)

@BoardinBob

Dont forget to spread dog mess on sharp points as well.

May I suggest that you plant a Triffid there

Two suggestions from the colonies: poison oak, which causes severe itching. And there's a spiny plant in Australia (I forget its name, probably Spiny Plant, knowing the Aussies :wink:) with tiny hollow hairs that break off in your skin, exposing the nerves below and causing weeks of intense pain.

Chase – Member

Barb wire

Guess what – the police advised against it – I could be left liable if one of the little f***ers hurt themselves on it. What rights do decent citizens actually have left these days?

This is complete rubbish – the police may well have said that but they are clearly wrong.

Don't think you'd find anything hardy enough to survive life in a pot through the summer unless you water them regularly or install one of those watering systems.

I think it would be pointless anyway, a few well aimed bricks would smash the terracotta planters, if not they could just uproot the plants and throw them over the wall!

How about a 'legit' system like the rotating plastic spikey wheels? Personally I would just make it unpleasant, chuck some anti vandal paint on the shed roof or something? Only downside is they'll probably try and clean their hands by wiping them over your shed or the wall.

TJ, I thought you could be held liable for injury to trespassers, whether it be glass topped wall, a hole or other hazard in the garden – even if it wasn't dug for the purpose of deterring people you can still be found at fault through negligence. Similar story with those that electrify their shed windows.

Spooky – I believe its a "reasonableness" test but not sure. I do know that many places including government establishments use barbed wire spikes and such.

Can you have a CD of Vera Lynn playing constantly in the shed? And leave some bibles up on the roof. That will freak them out.

From experience from specifying perimeters to places that don't wish for unwanted visitors – razor wire cannot be used as a frontline device it must be behind an initial fence which can have barbed wire (above a specific height). There is a BS which sets it out.
Why not just put a trellis on the wall? Don't fix it rigidly but make it a bit shonky as it's considerably harder to climb over.
You could also try getting a ton of manure on their favourite route as well

As a reformed Garden Hopper, I know that tarring the shed roof and/or a layer on top of the wall should be a pretty effective deterrent, guess that was in the days before vandal paint.

Oh, and poorly fitted trellising has a habit of just falling down.

Plant some Bombers?

berberis… **** horrible things

dig lots of holes and fill them with different cheeses?

Pyracantha is very good. Blackbirds seem to really like it as well, there's 2 nesting pairs in my Mum's garden, one in each big pyracantha.

pyracantha, berberis, mahonia, holly, hawthorn, gorse – all good spiky plants. check what your local farmers' fields use for hedges.

Berberis, easy to grow and I find that I get nasty bruising when accidently pick a bit up.

Chase – Member

Barb wire

Guess what – the police advised against it – I could be left liable if one of the little f***ers hurt themselves on it. What rights do decent citizens actually have left these days?

As TJ said, bull$h!t, as long as it's not hanging over next door or into public space where someone who has reason to be there might be injured by it, you're fine using barbed wire – there's miles of the blimmin stuff in the countryside.

Electrified windows, 6 ft deep pointy stick bottomed man traps another issue 😉

Confirmation.
http://www.met.police.uk/crimeprevention/garden2.htm
As they say plants are more effective.

punji sticks?
caltrops?

blackthorn
hedgelaying experience shows that the least they'll get away with is a good stabbing and some red spots, thats if they aren't one of the many who seem to react, rashes, sore joints etc, probably capable of growing atop a wall, but will eventually blow the mortar out

Don't know if it will grow in this country, but Bougainvillea cuts you to shreds (and has pretty flowers)