My nine year old son is being picked on by the school bully. The school seem to be absolutely useless at controling this child who for the last two years seems not to have done much else than cause trouble. Everytime my son has complained to us and the teachers nothing seems to be done, instead they are micro-analysing every move the other children take towards this bully and penalise the welbehaved kids for trying to fight back. The only advice they give the other children is not to fight back whether verbally or physically. I am really sick of it now and my son doesn't want to go to school in the mornings. I know that despite his small size he could absolutely marmalise the bully. What do you all think the consequences would be if I said to my son that next time the bully hits or kicks him to just hit back as hard as possible to put him in his place and afterwards take his punishment from the school (there doesn't seem to be much of that anyway) and hope the bully takes a hint and stop the abuse? I know that when I grew up this was the only way of dealing with bullies, but are there other ways these days? Advice much appreciated!

The alternative is to escalate it to someone in the LEA or governing body with a history of the events and how the school have failed to act over the course of years.

But I say clock 'im one.

Give NDT Jnr a pair of Bombers to take to school.

yes.

simple

I would suggest giving the School a schedule/deadline when you wish them to have dealt with this child, and after that time you will involve not only the local authorities, but also the Police.

when I was about ten I'd had enough of the school bully, I befriended him and then convinced him he could easily fit his head in between the iron railings surrounding our school. And he could, its just he couldn't get back out… …three hours later the fire brigade cut him loose, in the meantime I mentioned that he'd best think about how he acts. It worked.

The school is failing in it's duty of care. Escalate.

Write a formal letter of complaint to the head AND governors, copy in the lea also.

Outline whta has happened and when, also what action has/hasn't been taken.

If the school do nothing then move schools!

I have no kids and I ain't a teacher. Take a large pinch of salt please

That was always the standard way of dealing with it "back in the day". However I would go back to the school and speak to the head about it first – they have a duty to deal with bullies and to have a bullying policy that must be robust.

There is no way the school should be allowing one child to hit another. document the conversations you have with he school and any incidents your child has.

However – the one good thump might be the only way forward

yep punch the f3cker, he'll go for an easier target next time….

Tell him to stick the nut on him

yeah get him to wack him, the worst that will happen is you'll get called in and you'll have to explain to your partner that it is your fault. perhaps take the lil'un along to some sort of fighting class to also teach abit of discipline as you don't want the bullied to become the bully

If your description of the school is accurate( no discipline, teachers who don't listen to parents or children, allows bullying) then it sounds like a crap school and I would move my child.

As a teacher in a primary school had little NDT hit the bully I would advise you and your child to leave it with us, let you know what we would be doing, explain the consequences (there would have to be something) and please do not take it into you hands again little NDT.

Would then cheer inwardly that someone had finally given that bullying little sh1t a clattering and make a big a deal of it as possible, whilst absolutely not condoning little NDT's actions, and not pointing out that he stood up for himself and is now a hero not a hero.

At times however I am not that professional.

Why don't you go the whole hog and let him stab the facker? That'll learn the bullying b*stard.

Or you could try some of the more reasonable suggestions above 😕

Yes!

A few years ago. After weeks of being picked on by school thug my son after asking me what he should do punched the bully when being picked on, in fact he landed him on his arse (he does do martial arts). He has never been pick on again.
The school were a waste of time IMHO to interested in keeping my son in at break times to avoid a confrontation.

I did when I was 13 or so, it worked a treat, I was never bullied again. I was however suspended as I hit him so hard he went to hospital

He should stand up for himself and you should give the head a roasting with the promise of escalating the problem.

As a teacher in a primary school had little NDT hit the bully I would advise you and your child to leave it with us, let you know what we would be doing, explain the consequences (there would have to be something) and please do not take it into you hands again little NDT.

Would then cheer inwardly that someone had finally given that bullying little sh1t a clattering and make a big a deal of it as possible, whilst absolutely not condoning little NDT's actions, and not pointing out that he stood up for himself and is now a hero not a hero.

At times however I am not that professional.

On a semi related teacher slant, a friend has a mate who's a teacher and told him a story about the time he gave a boy in his class a note in an envelope and asked him to take it to another teacher. Upon delivery the recipient opened it to find a note which read

"Look at this wee dick's shite haircut. Ha ha ha"

😆

Get it reported to your local education authority and maybe the police too. Make sure the history is on record outside the school. Do you know any of the other parents of kids that are having problems with this bully? Maybe then you can get some co-oberation(?sp). Once that's done I'd tell your little one not to look for trouble but if Bully boy starts up again then he has your blessing to retaliate. That way if/when the school and parents try to hang your son out to dry you will have evidence that he has only been defending himself in light of the schools inability to act in response to complaints about the child in the past.

I hate ass covering but in these increasingly litigious and blame seeking days I think you really have no option in these cases.

My mate got bullied, he punched the big bully guy and then recieved the kicking of his life and has never been the same since….its not worth it no matter how good it would feel you just never know….. 😕

Sounds like I'll tell him to go for it next time! We have already spoken to the headteacher (who I actually really like) but at the meeting she was moaning that while investigating this particular incident they have had to get a supply teacher in to cover her class which costs money. Poor excuse in my opinion. It is only a rumour but apparently the only reason while this child is still in this school is because a relative of his works at the school.

There will always be another bully.
If your son reacts and biffs the bully the others will see this and wind him up and become their target.
Been there 😥 as a tall skinny asthmatic I was an easy target.

The school will have a "policy" – have you got a copy.

If you are in Scotland you can report this to the Childrens Panel, I think. There may be something similar in Eng( :?:)

Take it up with school board/council.

Send son to judo/karate lessons so that he can gain some confidence.

Tough I know but keep a diary. Get together with other parents who may have similar concerns. There may be a number(of parents/carers)whereby you can then lodge a formal complaint with Ed authority regards head teachers attitude. Think it was 9 when mine were at school.

When my daughter moved to secondary school she had problems which meant we spent 2yrs dropping her off in the morning, picking her up at lunch time and again at end of school day till problem child/bully was moved to another school

My daughter has just started teaching in nursery(Eng)and has already been confronted by a disgruntled dad because she has dared to discipline his son for grabbing another by the throat and pushing him against the class wall. He has also made a complaint, not for the first time apparently, has 3 kids at same school and is notorious.
At a placement during her course another school had the police in the playground at the end of the day. ❗

A few anti bully sites around have a look

Get the local newspaper to write a story!

A rumour a relative works at the school? The head needs a supply cover to invesitigate 😯 Is this for real?

Sounds like I'll tell him to go for it next time!

My mate is blind in one eye … 🙁

But good luck…

The hard person stands up tall laughs and walks away…
Please teach your son that….

Get your lad to head butt him

The martial arts ting is a good one – It certainly helped me at school and also the judo still helps to this day with falling off bikes.

My son is very tough and has played rugby (second year full contact) for 4 years although he is of very slight build. He has shown a lot of restraint when called all sorts of names but occasionally has lost it with this boy, although not really hit him as such. He is in a group that are all bullied by this boy and they seem to support each other. We are fortunate enough to only have one bully in an otherwise perfect little school. As one teacher put it to the wellbehaved kids when complaining about the bullies disruption to the class " in a bigger school you would have at least 4-5 of his type so be glad we only have got one!"

I got bullied at school until the day that they pushed me too far, i vividly remember legging it up the road after one on one day and nearly dragging another off the school bus with me in another incident – fight back and they soon leave you alone IME. I was probably about 12 at the time.

My son is very tough and has played rugby (second year full contact) for 4 years although he is of very slight build.

The bully sounds jealous ..your son has already won…please tell him so.. 😉

I'd go for the option of twating him!

If he can take full contact rugby he'll be hard enough to kick the bullies arse.

I played rugby with a guy who wasn't much over 5 foot, other teams players used to laugh at him and pick on him, big mistake, he was the regimental boxing champion, I've seen him stick guys who were a foot taller on their arse with one punch!!

the judo still helps to this day with falling off bikes.

Tuck`n roll 😀

" in a bigger school you would have at least 4-5 of his type so be glad we have only one" what sort of crap teacher would say that to their class. All my kids went to big schools and any bullying was sorted out, that is what teahers are payed to do!

I know what people mean when they say ignore it and let the bully call you all sorts. They have been told to tell the teacher but all the teachers do is give the bully a final warning….again and again and again. Not a good rolemodel for how justice is served in my opinion. Since this isn't the first school that have "failed" with this child maybe to hope the school will solve anything is fruitless. Thankfully we are in a different catchment area for high school so at least in a 1 1/2 years he will be rid of him!

I'll give it until after Christmas and if my son is still complaining about the bullying we'll try and do something about it. I think getting together with the other parents might be a start.

I'm a police officer, and although as a kid I used to come home with black eyes every now and again, and even gave a few too, and just treated it as part of growing up, I'm afraid that times have changed since most of us were kids. The lack of discretion that we operate under means that if your son lamped the bully – and I'm not saying for a second that he doesn't deserve it – if the lads parents went to the police, your son would be arrested and interviewed, presuming he's 11 or older. And I've seen it happen, as the people who cause the most trouble seem to always be the ones that come bleating to the police should someone cross them. But, like it or not, that's modern policing for you. Still, I'd contact your local station and see if the school in question has an attached police officer, and speak it through with them. Our schools officer is as had as nails and has more authority than all of the teachers put together. And definitely recommend martial arts or boxing for the confidence.

Are this kid's parents not interested in how he's behaving at school? Has no-one spoken to them about it?

Never really been the target of bulling when younger. But my dad always said to deal with it the only way they understand – With fists.

When I did get into a bit of bother I used his words. Got into a fight with the bully and took him and his mate out. Got a kicking from a few of his other followers – and for that my dad grounded me for "losing the fight"

That said – whole group of "hard lads" that were giving out the grief gave me alot more respect from that point on and I was never bullied again.

We live in a far too PC world – some people just need a good punch as talking/councelling etc is just a waste of time and money

ps – bring back throwing board rubbers and rulers at kids in class – it alway got our attention when one flew passed your ear!

His mother gets briefed every day at the school gates by the teacher to be told of all the naughty things her son has done. Not sure if she does anything about it though and if so what she actually would do!

TenMen- you are so right about the bleating. That is what this kid does all the time, as soon as anyone does anything to him he immediately run to the teachers and grasses everyone else up and the teachers seem happier then telling the other kids off because at least they listen…..

Also the authority from the teachers seems to be lacking. My husband had a meeting today with the mum, bully and head teacher and thought the kid looked scared when meeting with him. (My husband is a big bloke and can look quite stern and scary when he wants to) maybe that would have send submininal signal to the child to back off. You can only hope!

If it's physical violence go to the police so there's a record, sign your kid up for judo and teach him what he can do in legitmate self defence. If it's taunts, he needs a lesson in life.