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ClassifiedsJust been to the pub at lunch, and sat in the garden near the swings. After a while a young mum comes in with her little lad. He must have been 2/3 years old, sucking on a dummy, playing with a toy gun, but very mobile and all over the climbing frames.
Mum sits down in one corner, a good 20 yards from the climbing frame, and lights up. Kid carries on climbing the not small frame. We’re all (me, colleagues, one a mum) keeping an eye on him, my colleague who is a mum being concerned, me telling her to just relax as I used to climb like that when I was a kid.
Anyway, the young mum is now doing her mascara and completely ignoring the kid who is shouting for attention, just to play. She carries on ignoring him. He’s running about all over having fun, but every so often just calls his mum to see what he’s doing, whereby she just ignores him. She’s was texting then, and on the phone while the kid was calling for her attention.
After a while he dropped his toy gun, to which his mum woke up “Don’t you dare break that or you’ll get a smack”
Then she went inside shouting him to come as she was going to the toilet.
After 10 mins kiddo comes back out, without mum, and is back on the frame.
So, we’re getting set to leave, and mum still isn’t back, kid is now running round the car park next to the road.
As we’re heading out, the kid has climbed a pine tree in the car park. Mum still nowhere to be seen. My colleague goes over to ask if he needs help getting down, at which point the young mum comes out and starts yelling at him to get down. “Don’t you dare go any higher, if you go higher I’ll smack you”. She then goes back to her mobile letting my colleague help the chastened kid down before handing him back to the mum.
The only interaction between the kid and his mum was her telling him off or ordering him around.
Poor kid. It put a real dampener on our lunch and we all came away feeling really sorry for the child. But what could we do? What would you do?
Why have kids just to treat them like this....?
(36 posts) (25 voices)-
Posted 8 months ago #
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You can't do anything, how someone chooses to bring up their kid isnt your business. Still, not very nice for the kid. Maybe they think your tactics would be too liberal and namby-pamby.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Shoot the mother, the kid would be better off adopted.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Shoot the mother, the kid would be better off adopted.
harsh, but fair
Posted 8 months ago # -
I live near a family with loads of kids like this. The only answer i have is that more kids = more benefit money and bigger council house. The foul language this 'mother' near me screams at her young children is quite unbelievable. These people should be sterilised or benefits should stop after the second child. (IMHO).
Posted 8 months ago # -
Break his gun, film her smacking him on your mobile, get him taken away and adopted by somebody else.
NB this may not be an entirely serious suggestion, it was just the best I could come up with short of murder.
Posted 8 months ago # -
These people should be sterilised or benefits should stop after the second child
You can tell before they have any children, just sterilise at birth instead. It's the only way.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Ah but that's eugenics, and we all know that's wrong.
Posted 8 months ago # -
I used to go out on my own from around 5yo & climb trees & stuff
& my mam [& other kids mams]used to smack me
We didn't need parent to look after us
Posted 8 months ago # -
I know exactly where you're coming from with this.
We used to get 2 sisters come round at our old place. Wild little things they were really, but very pretty little girls.
You'd see them swearing at people in the streets, smashing stuff up, their home was a dump, they were always dirty. Probably about 4 and 6 years old at the time.They started talking to MrsPP when she was out the front gardening and gradually they used to come round more and more. We were VERY, VERY wary of this situation, but all they wanted was to help us do stuff like gardening. MrsPP had them cooking biscuits once, that sort of thing. All they wanted was attention, and the occasional apple or yoghurt. All they ever got to eat at home was fast food, but all they craved was healthy food....The parents blatently thought fags and pizza was more important
Once they came round at dinner time and the little one was absoulely filthy and sat watching me eat with hungry eyes. I'll be honest, when they left I got a bit emotional about it. All I wanted to do was get the little one clean in the bath and give her some clean clothes and a tasty dinner. But I couldn't do that, could I? It really upset me how little it seemed they were loved.Posted 8 months ago # -
Anyone else seeing the logic to the Chinese one child policy?
Personally I do honestly think there should be a qualifying criteria before you are allowed to have children, and that should include passing an exam, that doesn't have speed texting in it.
Posted 8 months ago # -
that should include passing an exam
Tis funny - the selection criteria to foster/adopt is (apparently) very stringent, yet anyone can have their own totally unloved children.Posted 8 months ago # -
We have a couple of feral kids in the village.
One is a classmate of my eldest - 12 yrs old.
He's a polite and bright kid and over winter he became a semi permanent feature.
Regular for evening meals and breakfast at weekends.
Parents split, mum still very young in age and attitude.
New boyfriend more interesting than the kid so hoofed out a dawn and returns sometime after sundown.
We have taken him all over with us on day trips etc.
All this has been with his mums agreement.However, summer comes and I will not let my 2 go feral round the place.
So, the young lad starts to hang around with a couple of ne'er do wells.
The visits start to fall off and he has been totally absent since our family holiday.
Spotted him throwing stones at cars on the main road with the other two little scroates.
He waved to me with a big smile and a cheery hello.Makes me furious and depressed knowing exactly how he is going to end up.
I cannot think of a solution to bad parenting, it has plagued me for months.
A friend offered me some sage advice - "if you constantly think you are not doing it right, you may stand a chance of making it work. If you believe you are a perfect parent you may be in for a shock"Posted 8 months ago # -
Tis funny - the selection criteria to foster/adopt is (apparently) very stringent, yet anyone can have their own totally unloved children.
turned around the other way though....
Now normally I might be on the rather more Daily Mail sid eof the fence in these circumstances, but there's something inhumane about depriving a mother of a child becuase she is stupid, as opposed to say, negligent, or self-absorbed or unsupported.
Surely it must be better value for money to support mothers like that than pay foster parents.
Posted 8 months ago # -
He waved to me with a big smile and a cheery hello.
roger, I think by that stage you have the right, and possibly the duty, to "discipline" him yourself. Dont isolate yourself, but maybe if someone he obviously respected told him what was right/wrong and encourgaed him to be more constructive as Im sure you would, he might appreciate it - Im led to believe that is one of the key problems in a fatherless family.
Posted 8 months ago # -
if anyone is concerned about any child then contact social services immediately. DO NOT GO TO THE NSPCC as all they will do is take down the details and then pass it onto the SS for a fee! (robbing so called charity bastards)
Posted 8 months ago # -
DO NOT GO TO THE NSPCC as all they will do is take down the details and then pass it onto the SS for a fee!
Well, that seems highly improbable at best. Care to let on how you came by this information?
Posted 8 months ago # -
Why have kids full stop?
Posted 8 months ago # -
if anyone is concerned about any child then contact social services immediately.
We did. They were't interested.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Why have kids full stop?
Interesting evoloutianary idea. Could be the future.
Posted 8 months ago # -
The vast, vast majority of people on here seem to think that smacking kids is a good thing (and that kids should be left to do dangerous things without being mollycoddled etc), so what's the problem exactly?
Posted 8 months ago # -
The vast, vast majority of people on here seem to think that smacking kids is a good thing
Am I the minority of one then?Posted 8 months ago # -
I watched a Mother swear her child home etc...
I wouldn't do anything-probably get retaliation.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Stoner - they stopped as soon as I appeared, the two scroates legged it pdq.
The "third son" came over and we had a chat about it - seemed clueless about the implications of his actions and the consequences.
He's a nice kid, a bit thin and with clothes a bit worse for wear.
The dilemma re Social Services are my lack of confidence in how they handle these things.
Whilst he remains in the village there are people who will look out for him, he has a roof of some sort over his head, he is attending school and he is with his mum. The other choice is away from here, friends, mum and some support network.Posted 8 months ago # -
My brother an ex-teacher with 18 years experience, used to give social skills classes to parents, such as the woman above.
Just simple things like teaching the parents how to play games, then they could pass this knowledge onto their children.
As most things in life, if you didn't have a happy, loving upbringing, how could you possibly know how to raise your own children correctly, with manners and simple disciplin.I do agree with M_F. It does seem strange that the fostering and adoption societies are so strict, but anyone can just do what they like with their own children.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Roger - if yuou are concerned the social services is the place to go. Its highly unlikely he would be removed but the mum might get some support
Posted 8 months ago # -
Sounds like there must be some really perfect parents here.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Sadly Pook, you are obviously under the assumption that all adults have brains.
Any old f***er can reproduce.
In the last 6 or 7 yrs, more and more, I see children being parented by children.
These "parents" don't realise you actually have to work quite hard to "parent".
It really is the hardest job in the world, which requires no qualifications or training.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Obviously you lot aren’t all that up to date.
1, have child
2, tell the council you are now a parent
3, get council house
For the first few years you will have to put up with said child, till it starts school.
Hopefully it will make friends and stay at their house, leaving you with more, time for drinking drugs ect .
Ignoring the child from an early age is very important, you do not want
to make any bonds with them as this could seriously hamper your social life.
Also if you are having any financial problems, remember you can have as many children as you want. Children = $$$$$$$, the more you have the more you get, and ignoring 5 children is as easy as ignoring 1.
don't forget to throw them out when they are 16.Posted 8 months ago # -
johners - Mrs TRH is a child protection social worker. If the NSPCC really cared they'd pass on the info for free but they don't and most of the budget goes on paying for the info. Sad but very true.
PP - probably because they've got 6 SW's covering an area the size of Manchester. Also sad but VERY true.baa - you don't know how right you are. Some of the saddest stories I've heard are of 16year olds getting booted out onto the street on their birthday. Makes me sick. It's no wonder they turn to crime.
Posted 8 months ago # -
To adopt a dog from the Dog's Trust you have to have 4 home visits, complete various questionnaires and have 'socialising' sessions to make sure you can care for the dog and the dog fits in.
To have a baby you need to ..... what? ..... oh ..... is that all?
Hmmmmm????Posted 8 months ago # -
Welcome to my world. My job description tells me I'm a 'teacher of science'. Today my work involved a run-away, and several other individual children whom I cannot say anything more about at all.
Whatever happened to unconditional love? I'm 47 y.o. and I cried reading the piece of work one girl showed me today. 'The Best of Times. The Worst of Times'. She would rub fairy liquid into her self-inflicted cuts to cause pain enough to block out the neglect.
There are probably thousands of children like this.We can make a difference. Do as people above have done. Show compassion and care. Don't be a cynic all the time. Show care and tenderness. If you are concerned tell again and again and again-Soc Servs, Community police, Education Authorities- do not give up and rely upon others to do it- esp. if you feel that they are ineffectual anyway. Be transparent in all that you do lest people say awful things about you, as some might be wont to do, like some of the stone-throwers on this site seem to (pretend?) to do.
We are talking about children here, precious things. Remember that they have learnt their values from the society in which they grew up. You are a part of that society.
PP, RtC- I salute you. The World needs more people like you.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Remember that they have learnt their values from the society in which they grew up. You are a part of that society.
Bollocks. I'm part of the society in which they grew up. Values they would have learnt from me are: obey the law; pay your taxes: pay your fines; be nice to people; find useful paid employment; love your partner and children; work hard at school and try to do a fair day's work in whatever paid employment you find; obey speed limits; use the white lines on the ground as a guide to where to abandon your car in car parks; eat decent food; don't deal with criminals; licence your vehicle; insure your vehicle; go to parents evenings at your kids school; don't get tattooed; don't smoke; use drugs to alleviate illness rather than to alleviate your general social and psychological inadequacy; ride a bicycle
Posted 8 months ago # -
I agree. Why say 'bollocks?' Are you suggesting that it is right to dissassociate yourself from this type of situation?
Posted 8 months ago # -
It's bollocks to say that
they have learnt their values from the society in which they grew up
The society in which they grew up offers them MULTIPLE choices about the kind of lifestyle they might pursue. If they went to an ordinary school, that school will have offered them a pathway to Oxbridge if they wanted to take it. I know this because I taught in a school with desperately bad pupil intake, some of whom went to university and one of whom went to Cambridge to study law. Many of the others chose to go to prison instead.
Don't tell me I'm responsible for the bad choices of people to whom better choices are freely available (with a bit of effort)
Posted 8 months ago #
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