Looks like we're having a tyke, rather unexpectedly I might add (see my other post if you're interested!)! My wife is definitely the breadwinner in our relationship (£40k salary vs my £20k) so the plan may well be for me to be a 'stay at home parent' for a while, kind of looking forward to being a House Husband…

Anyone on here a stay at home Dad? Care to share your thoughts and experiences? cheers 🙂

I did it for a while when our first was born. Incredibly hard work and if I'm honest, I really think that it's something that women have a better outlook/constitution/genetic make up to deal with but having said that, I feel like I made a reasonable fist of it and fifteen years later we have two well balanced, nicely behaved kids.

nice sweeping generalisation 😆

I'm a stay at home dad after being made redundant last March. I didn't do the baby bit though. My youngest was two and a half and my eldest was 5 at the time.

I'd have to agree with trail monkey, my wife managed the whole lack of sleep, wailing, night feeds thing better than I managed just being awake at the same time, although that could just be me being rubbish.

Enjoyed the last year massively TBH – But then I was a weekend dad due to my job prior to redundancy. My boy was 8 months old when I started working away in the week. Come Friday evening he would run away from me when I got back – Horrible.

part time stay at home Dad here. It's great, I really enjoy it. I'd agree with what T-M says too – I seem to be chasing my tail all day whereas watching Grandma or Mum dealing with him they just seem to be on top of it all the time.

Good luck – but as mentioned before, try not to get too excited JUST yet, you've a long way to go before it's a "real" pregnancy. Fingers crossed for you though!

Jeez. It was a compliment!

"women" 🙄 😉

Me and my wife run our company from home and look after the little one (19 months old) as much as possible. We have a nanny for some days and family help on others but we both get to look after him a lot.

I absolutely love it, think he's benefitted enormously and cannot recommend it enough.

nice sweeping generalisation

why ? have you any child caring experience and can you personally compare that to the experiences of the opposite sex doing the same role ?

I have and can and that's why I've expressed an opinion based on experience and not made a generalisation based upon prejudice.

But thanks for being so judgemental all the same.

So basically Trailmonkey, you struggled.

Well me and plenty of others loved (and still love) it. Dads teach little ones different things to Mums. If both look after them, I think they become more balanced in life. Our little one also has no clingyness and responds equally to me or my wife.

So I think you're wrong.

Gave up work two years ago to look after our two, now 3 and 4. Can be hard work, long days since my wife is pretty much gone 7-7 at the least. We do have the advantage that she only tends to work 6-9 months a year. Very enjoyable most of the time, though. Don't underestimate the amount of stimulation kids need once they're a bit older- housework and lots of other jobs around the house get neglected a bit round here.
It is fantastic fun though. I have no desire to return to work, which most of my friends find strange- the majority couldn't wait to get back.. Really looking forward to the summer- kids are now properly bike capable.

oh fgs don't be so touchy, I was (mostly) joking.

Although those kind of generalisations do wind me up a bit because I was brought up by my dad, who coped just fine, so I do actually disagree – he is probably more suited to it than I am.

I seem to remember that very recently the option to sort of sign over the maternity rights to the other half became a possibility, so you could well be financially better off than you were expecting for a few months as well. Good luck if/when it happens.

So basically Trailmonkey, you struggled

WTF ????????????????

I did a very good job as it happens, and you have no right or evidence to make that statement, unless of course it was your intention to come across as rather judgemental, in which case you have succeeded.

I just happen to think that my wife did a much better job than I, far more naturally and the same could be said of some close friends of ours who were in a similar situation.

Staying at home to look after tiny children? All that screaming and crying and mess. What a truly horrible thought. It'll turn your brain to mush for sure – that's why day-time television is the way it is.

both me and Mrs Yunki work from home so we are sharing the childcare duties..
both our work has suffered a bit as a result which has led to some diversification which is nice..

I love it.. so far… but my little lad is only 8 months and isn't on the move yet.. I'm expecting things to get a lot more intense once he starts getting about and exploring..

Christ Trailmonkey you are flipping touchy. My wife probably does a "better" job at certain things too but she also thinks I'm more suited to certain stuff – it works for us. Sorry it didn't work for you but every family is different. So who is being judgemental now?!

As long as the kid doesn't turn out to be a major criminal or drug addict, then job done.

Off to give my son a bath – wonder if my wife could do a better job though…?

Good luck – but as mentioned before, try not to get too excited JUST yet, you've a long way to go before it's a "real" pregnancy.

Yep, I know… haven't told anyone about it yet, keeping mum till the 3 month stage, hence posting on here seeking the thoughts and advice of random strangers 😆

I seem to remember that very recently the option to sort of sign over the maternity rights to the other half became a possibility, so you could well be financially better off than you were expecting for a few months as well. Good luck if/when it happens.

Is that so? How would we find out more about this (without actually asking her employer just yet)?

I'm a stay at home Dad and have been for the three years of my son's life. It can be hard at times but also very, very fulfilling. It has been the best job I've done and I have been so lucky to spend so much time with him as well as being able to watch his character develope in such an intimate way.
He is now at nursery three days a week so I am starting get back to my Other job but still get to spend two full days with him.

I also agree with Mrsflash.
Like any other job, gender has nothing to do with how well you do it. your ability is down to your own temperament, character and skills. On a similar line, do expect some people to be sexist about it though. My wife got the odd comments and I got the occasional " oh, you are one of those are you?". But ignore them,it's your life and if you and your partner are ok with it, then it can be fantastic and worthwhile for you all.

Me.

We've got kids who are now 6 (Agnes) and 5 (Arthur). My wife took about 6 months off after each and she is also a teacher so we have a reasonable amount of time together with the kids. In the early days we had a child minder one day a week, then once they were old enough we took up the Labour introduced (little bit of politics) free nursery places for 2 days a week. That gave me enough time to do other things and not go barmy. As well as looking after the kids I managed to spend quite a bit of time doing up the house, cooked from scratch each day, worked an allotment and started my photo business. I can't say that our house is spotlessly clean or always tidy, but that's one of the areas I'm prepared to compromise on.

Now the kids are at school full time, I'm doing up a different house, running my photo business and still doing cooking and gardening, but now I also have time for exercise again! (went for an hour's run today).

On the whole I would say it is a nice arrangement for everyone. My wife is a little bit conflicted over missing time with the kids V being quite into her job, but other than that I don't think there are any real problems.

I'm trying to think back and see if I can offer any tips for the early days. Other's may have other ideas, but I would say that time spent getting them to eat properly, sleep regularly, be interested in books (by reading to them A LOT), is time well spent and will pay back later. Go to a toddler group (or groups). Go for lots of walks. Use the local library. Don't use the electric babysitter. Embrace the opportunity to spend time buying/cooking decent food. Don't buy (or accept) any toys that make annoying noises. Get a backpack with a baby seat etc etc.

In summary – go for it – it won't do you or your child any harm.

Go for it.

I was laid off 18 months ago, but mine are school age – but my cooking has come on a storm.

Also make sure you've some help for the odd day you need a bit of time to yourself.

I didn't do much staying at home. A baby jogger, kiddy seat on the bike, happy hours down the pool, on skis from 22 months. I once got attacked by some woman down town who didn't think it was right for me to nip out shopping with kiddy tucked horizontally under my arm and had to seek refuge in a pharmacy. Women haven't got a clue how to bring up kids to be real action heros.

I did it, had a ten year stint from the birth of our first until the third and youngest was settled in full time school at age four and a bit. It's fantastic fun, and hard work, and dull, and scary, lots of boring bits, lots of smelly bits.

If you aren't prepared to break the ice and get to know people, parents(ie mothers) at clinics and playgroups etc will assume you're a freak and/or a paedo, and "professionals" will assume you're unemployed/unemployable. Even had some prat of an outreach worker come out to a playgroup once to talk to dads about starting a dads group, with ideas for talking about substance abuse issues, prevention of reoffending, debt management skills etc.

I managed to keep some work going as a frelancer in IT training and database development for the first few years, but it was difficult to find childcare able to cope with this type of flexible working, but it was definitely worth it for me to feel I was still pulling in some cash, even if it was sometimes just making enough to cover the childcare. It was important to keep links to work, and working people, as there isn't a whole lot of stimulating conversation you can have with a toddler.

Plus there's all the swimming, biking(with trailer/seat), hiking with junior. Had a whale of a time exploring the country with kids in tow. Season tickets for stuff, there's a good idea I hadn't considered before the kids.

Have I mentioned the yummy mummies yet? The first rule of yummy mummies is you don't talk about…

From what I've seen with dad's who have done it, I agree some of the earlier thoughts – the very little baby bit seems to work better for mums rather than dads. We can just about manage on my salry though MrsSwadey was the better paid one – I get to be a stay at home dad alternate Wednesdays, and MrsSwadey still can't grasp the fact that I can do the washing, get it dried, ironed, and get BabySwadey to and from activities and pick up Jnr from school without the world ending!

I did it for four years when my daughter was 2 unil primary school. Let me think…….no, I can't think of any single day in that period that I actually enjoyed it.
If I was told I was going to be a Dad again, I'd leg it. Hateful little creatures, kids. I'm glad I grew out of being one.

Congratulations!
When our lad was born my wife took 6 months off work (teacher)and I was working full-time, after that she started back doing a 4 day week and I started doing the childcare for those 4 days, I'm very lucky as I work for a good friend landscaping and he's bent over backwards to help out letting me go from full-time, down to Fridays, Saturdays and the school holidays, it's what has kept me sane.
It is great fun and extremely rewarding, but you definately need balance and breathing space occasionally. As Rightplacerighttime says get a rucksack for your kid so you can get out, I find the more you get out the easier your days seem to be for both of you, getting yourself and your child into a routine is a big help and just have fun and enjoy your time together because not every kid gets to spend so much time with their dad. You'll also become a great story teller, the best wrestler, a fantastic cook, possibly the only bloke at playgroup, adept at handling sexist comments from various parts of your local community and a great dad.
Potentially the most rewarding time of your life.

I'm a part timer, just one day a week. Am a bit scared at the moment, as shortly I'll have 2 on my own, and current experience suggests that will be a lot harder than 1. I did really enjoy the year and a half I had with just me and mini-aracer #1 1 day a week though, and missing the swimming lesson I used to take him to (we've had to rearrange to fit everything in – I do get to go to Tumble Tots now though, which does have its advantages). That was from just before he was 1 until nearly 2 1/2.

It's certainly much better than going to work – I have Tuesday off which makes Monday feel a bit like a Friday.

I looked after slimtubling Mk1 from 4-9 months all week while the old girl brought home the bacon, I loved every second of it as it was a a long dry summer and I could walk her in a stroller for 2 hours every afternoon while she slept. good exercise for me, fresh air for her everybody wins. the routine of the day means you have to do chores during sleep time bit it soo much fun. I now have Mk1 & 2 every wednseday and work part time in a couple of jobs. different, but as Mk1 is now nearly three years old i can have garbled conversations(mostly about lions and monkeys) while we tend to the tiny poo machine that is Mk2.
oh yeah- its absolutely exhausting!!

Interesting range of stories here.

I think sometimes the "mum is better at it" attitude is a cop out. Only an opinion of course.

MTBFIX is currently a stay at home dad. He took over 3 weeks ago when I returned to work and TB jnr was 5 months old.

I'm posting this as I doubt he'll get a chance to log in, nevermind actually post anything.

From what he's told me, he's enjoying it and it's made him feel a lot closer to the little one. He has struggled with feeding as she really wasn't keen on the bottle, but that aside he's loving it. He's had a few odd looks, one singing group wouldn't allow a male to go, one mum thinks he's the scum of the earth for not providing for his family (that said she was given a prosche and a villa in spain when she had her little one, so I think her view may be a bit biased) and one mum has been banned from spending time with him by her husband. I get the odd comment about abandoning my baby, but I bring home the greater salary, and I think it's so much better than shipping her off to a child minder at such a young age.

He's loving spending the time with the other (hot – as he points out to his jealous friends) mums and now that summer is here he's trying to get little one used to her bike trailer so he can do more riding with her.

You never know until you try it, I think it's an individual choice.

I wasn't, as Mrs BC had the slightly lower paid job at the time and we were committed to being a parent-stay-at-home family. Inspiring and encouraging to hear the stories on here of people who have invested in their kids and enjoyed it. Mrs BC had times that were tough, but had a lot of fun and satisfaction from being a stay at home Mum. Unquestionably she has done an awesome job with 2 kids that I am immensely proud of. My regret about being a working dad is that I feel I didn't invest as much time as I should have in their early years and sometimes wish I had done more with them (spend more time reading with them and just doing stuff).
Fair play to you for considering being a stay at home dad and with the right attitude it should be a hugely rewarding and inspiring thing.

i did this for 6 months when i was on the dole through the summer.i loved it tho my wife wasnt working either so its not exactly the same.great 6 months for me but i agree with
"clinics and playgroups etc will assume you're a freak and/or a paedo, and "professionals" will assume you're unemployed/unemployable."
mothers arnt always keen to talk to any one but mothers,certainly untill they know you well.i often got the feeling women were looking at me thinking why is that "man" here??

enjoy it though and make friend with as many men or women who are in your situation too.you will ned them as it can be lonley at time in the day and a laugh/helping hand/cup of tea here and there helps no end.

My next door neighbour became a househusband for their 3rd child. It worked much better. For the first 2 kids the wife was at home and got depressed, bored and frustrated, while the husband hated his job. Then they swapped roles for the 3rd and everyone got a much happier life as both husband and wife were doing day to day stuff they enjoyed.

You do have to make a bit of an effort at toddler groups etc. I'm a fairly self contained sort anyway, so it didn't really bother me that I wasn't "one of the gang". I just did my bit making the tea, getting stuff out etc and played with the kids. On the whole the mums were polite but not overly friendly, though there was one woman there who had the same green interests as me and we hit it off, did a bit of babysitting swapping etc and she now goes to spinning classes with my wife, her youngest comes around quite often to play with ours etc.

Going to toddler groups and stuff is quite important as it is useful to build up a support network of other parents with kids the same age as yours. As they get older they will play together, and it is good to be able to take turns taking the kids to sports / social things etc, or do babysitting swaps with other parents – otherwise as they get older you might find a lot of demands on your time as chauffeur / chaperone.

Having other people's kids round to play is also a good thing. The kids like it, but it also makes your life easier as they get on with playing and free up your time to do other things – even if just sitting down for a cup of tea.

i am.
think its bloody hard but i am glad of the time i spend with them.
if your kids have a stay at home parent of any gender i think they should be happy…most kids are not so lucky.
advice would be to get amongst it on the social scene.make the effort to meet with other parents at play barns etc,might seem like hard work at first but it pays later on.
i allways found that mums would keep a distance from stay at home dad socialy, until i got a dad mate with kids the same age. makes you more approachable i guess.
best of luck man.

Really grateful for all the replies and stories guys, tbh I'm sitting here reading it all with a big grin on my face and a huge sense of expectation and excitement, tempered with a fair degree of trepidation!

For the first 2 kids the wife was at home and got depressed, bored and frustrated, while the husband hated his job.

Pretty sure this'd apply to us as well, I'm not a huge fan of 'work' (who is?) but my wife does find satisfaction from it, so I reckon this'll be a good outcome for us, hopefully 🙂